I'm just going to pick up as if I were doing this all season.
Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh (-9)
Ocho Cinco deactivated? I never thought that Boldin/Ocho Cinco trade in my fantasy league would turn out THIS bad. In my defense, I traded Boldin right after he was injured. Score one for Ernie.
Houston @ Cleveland (-2)
I'm on the BQ bandwagon.
San Fran (+6.5) @ Dallas
I don't understand the small spread here, which leads me to believe this game is fixed and SF is going to win outright. Vegas is gonna make a lot of money on this game. Either that, or Dallas' stock has really dropped that much and I'm going to look like an idiot by 4 p.m. Sunday.
Tampa Bay (-7.5) @ Detroit
If Kevin Jones were still on Detroit, I'd take the Lions here.
If Kevin Jones were still on Detroit, they'd be 10-0.
New York Football Jets @ Tennessee (1.5)
I actually want the Jets to win this game. Which is why I'm picking the Titans. If you know me, it makes perfect sense.
Buffalo (-3.5) @ KC
The Bills can't lose this game, can they?
Chicago (-6) @ St. Louis
Da Bears are only 5-5?? No wonder my fantasy team is so bad.
Wait, maybe it's because of Larry Johnson, Julius Jones, Carson Palmer, Vince Young, and every other player on my team.
Why does St. Louis still have a football team?
New England (+1) @ Miami
Get over yourself, Miami. Chad Pennington is your quarterback. If the Dolphins think they can run five trick plays on Billy this time around, they deserve what they get.
Minnesota @ Jacksonville (+3.5)
I'm not starting Gus Frerotte in fantasy this week. Maybe I should.
Yes, Gus Frerotte is on my fantasy team. That's how bad my team is.
Philadelphia (+4) @ Baltimore
Love Philly to cover, Baltimore to win.
Oakland (+10) @ Denver
I can't believe Oakland isn't in last place in the division. This is the week the Raiders will score a season high in points (they've scored 23 twice!).
Carolina @ Atlanta (-1.5)
I'm on the MR bandwagon! I just need to forget that Thursday night game in Blacksburg...
New York Football Giants @ Arizona (+7.5)
I'm just going to pretend this is somewhere circa 1999-2001. Edgerrin James and Kurt Warner?! How can you not love Arizona here? Eli Manning is still in high school!
Washington @ Seattle (+4.5)
What is this, college basketball? I'm taking all the upsets!
Indianapolis (-4) @ San Diego
I bet if I had done picks all season long, I would have picked the Colts every week.
Green Bay @ New Orleans (PICK)
Monday Night Football has been so screwy this year. They aren't tipping off who is going to win this game, so I have to rely on my instincts. Follow close and try to stay with me on how I think this game will play out:
1) Aaron Rodgers will get hurt early in the game.
2) Replacing him in an unprecedented comeback will be none other than Brett Favre, who sent his secret twin to play for the New York Jets.
3) We find out he doesn't really have a secret twin. It's just Chad Pennington in disguise. Jets fans forgive Chad Pennington for all the terrible things they said about him while he was "gone."
4) The Dolphins then find out that their Chad Pennington is actually Kerry Collins in disguise.
5) The Titans find out that their Kerry Collins is actually Vince Young in disguise.
6) Fantasy stats are completely revamped to apply to the actual players, and my fantasy season is saved. I go on to win my league in the most unprecedented of fashions.
7) Brett Favre's return to the Packers is ruined when down two points, kicker Mason Crosby misses a potential game-winning 47-yard field goal, wide right.
8) Crosby takes off his helmet, and reveals himself as Bills' kicker Rian Lindell. Everybody gets a good laugh as they are reminded of the Bills' loss to the Browns last week on MNF. Everybody goes home happy, except for Bills fans.
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2 comments:
Correction: Score two for Ernie! Don't forget about Sabathia. For your sake Travi, I don't think you should trade with me anymore in a fantasy league
I pretty much agree with your picks. Not the reasons though (I don't want the Jets to win and sorry, but I don't think the Lions would be 10-0 lol). Although, I think the Texans will cover. I also think the Giants will cover.
By the way, fuck you. In 8 steps you figure out a way to relate a GB vs NO game to the Bills? I guess you could have been harsher. Usually when I hear of a 47 yard FG wide right, I think of Super Bowl XXV.
...The pain of a Bills fan...
hahaha I expected more of a tongue lashing from you—but I guess after those two trades, I've already been punished enough.
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