Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Legalize steroids!

Players are dropping like flies this season--it's bad for the game. MLB needs to legalize steroids so injured players can heal faster, old players can revitalize their careers, and so Jose Reyes has less of a chance of pulling a hammy so he can steal 100 bases! Who cares if they fall apart at the end of their careers? We need them to entertain us now!

Alex Rodriguez - Best player in the game. Quad injury? A little Andriol would heal him up nice and quick so he can get back to breaking Barry Bonds'* home run record!

Barry Zito - A quick Proviron injection would turn him from a $126 million middle-reliever to the new best pitcher in the game now that Roger Clemens* has retired.

Andruw Jones - I need him for fantasy purposes. Just let him take some Halotestin and I'll be in first place*!

Francisco Liriano - Again, I traded C.C. Sabathia for him. Rub some gym candy on that arm and he'll be my #1 pitcher*!

Troy Tulowitzki - He's young, but quad injuries can nag. Some synthetic stackers would get him right back on the field so we can see the ultimate matchup - Tulowitzki vs. Zito*.

Carlos Delgado - His numbers have dropped since coming to the Mets. I don't like cheaters* on my team, so it needs to be legalized before we slip him the HGH.

Derek Jeter - No amount of 'roids can help him. He sucks (no asterisk).

1 comment:

ERnie said...

I like the asterisks.