ALCS Game 1...It's A Live Blog!

8:20: Game One of RaySox. Thought a live blog would be appropriate. Get up, Tampa fans! Make some noise! Okay, make a little noise? I think the Rays to Sox fan ratio has got to be 2 to 1 tops. That could definitely be an issue in this series.

8:24: I'm not ashamed to admit this, but I love that Bon Jovi song they play. There is zero sarcasm in there at all, it will never get old. Thank God we don't have to hear "Our Country" anymore.

8:26: Oh, I missed you HR. No way he should have been fired by the Worldwide Leader. What's a woman doing working at ESPN anyway? It's good to see that he's still alive though and not eaten by John Kruk.

8:31: Nobody fake smiles at Buck Martinez and nods like Chip Carey. He really is an first ballot Hall of Famer for manufactured excitement.

8:33: Everyone that had pink or orange in the Craig Sager's jacket pool is cursing right now. Purple it is.

8:34: That's why IIIIIIIIIIIII love this town!

8:36: Love the end of that Mastercard commercial where the kids in Japan are playing baseball in the street and break a window. Once they hear the shattered glass, everyone books it out of there like there aren't 30 witnesses on the sidewalk.

8:38: I like how the manager always throws in that his players are tremendous competitors. I'd love to see an interview where a manager gives a scouting report, but then throws in "Yeah, he really backs down at the big spots."

8:40: That's a 4 pitch K to start off the game. Way to make him work, Jacoby. Pedroia's one of those guys that I'm sure I'd love if he was on my team, but I can't stand him. Same with Youk.

8:43: Yes, James Shields. Let's walk a guy that went 1-17 in the ALDS. This is the second year in a row that Ortiz has been a shadow of himself in the playoffs. Big Papi getting old?

8:45: Lob wedge to center field. 2 gone for Beardy.

8:46: I think James Shields is trying to break the record for most bounced pitches in one inning. Joba's BFF just doubled down the line. Lucky break for the Rays that that ball bounced into the stands.

8:50: JD Drew killing rallies? That's never happened. Why is Frank TV still advertising?

8:52: Is it possible that Brooke Shields gets hotter as she gets older?

8:55: Stop the presses. DiceK walked someone. BTW, it takes a big man to go by BJ as an adult. A big man or a perverted mind.

8:58: Buck Martinez is trying to describe the Jason Giambi dilemma. Why doesn't someone bunt the ball down the line when there's a huge shift? Maybe because Carlos Pena hasn't bunted since tee-ball.

9:00: The league might be hitting .211 against Dice but the on base percentage has to be close to .400.

9:03: Carl Crawford's walk-up music is M.I.A. I'm now officially rooting for Carl Crawford. My walk-up song would have to be Rick Astley. That way I can Rick Roll 50,000 plus on a nightly basis.

9:07: Dice-K is absolute garbage. If the Rays don't score here, they will not win this series.

9:08: The Rays will not win this series. Looks like Tampa is playing Yankee baseball. I think Hank is going to throw a lot of money at Cliff Floyd so he can christen the new ballpark by grounding out to second with the bases loaded.

9:10: So far the tally is "I Love This Town" 2, Frank Caliendo 2. Come on, Jon. Plus, that Direct-TV Commercial with Jimmy Kimmel has gotten very old. Let's give Eli credit for a 10 yard pass to Plax with Plax getting 42 YAC. No, I'm not bitter.

9:13: You gotta give it up for the Red Sox really making Shields work in the second inning. What's it been, 2 outs, 4 pitches?

9:15: Shields Ks the world's second most famous Jed. In other news, I hear Dice-K walked 2 more guys in between innings.

9:17: I'm confused. There are 3 Octobers, correct?

9:23: OK, perhaps I was a bit hasty in calling Dice-K "garbage". Great start by striking out Dave Navarro and Gabe Gross.

9:25: Varitek didn't catch that because he was thinking about his next at-bat. Pop-out to Youk dog.

9:29: When Ron Darling does games with Chip Carey and Buck Martinez, he really needs to go by Junior or Ace.

9:32: Another easy inning by "Big Game" James. This could be a pitcher's duel yet!

9:35: I hate repeating commercials. If I have to see that Miller High Life commercial again, I'm going to flip.

9:38: I think McCleland makes himself a sandwich before calling the pitches. My god.

9:42: Buck just said David OR-tiz. LON-goria strikes out again. OR-tiz to lead off next inning.

9:44: Caliendo takes the lead. His Trump is awful, BTW. I am looking forward to the Office coming back on TBS. Good ep last night, too.

9:48: JD Drew. Killing rallies since 98.

9:50: Another commercial that I can't get enough of: the Friday Night Lights one with the song "Devil Town". If you haven't seen FNL, you need to Hulu that shit. Best show on TV.

9:55: Another 3 up 3 down for Dice. And guess what? He's pitching a no-hitter through 4. YOU HEAR THAT, DICE K? YOU HAVE A NO-HITTER!! YOU HAVE A NO-HITTER!!

9:57: Brian Urlacher smiling is a strange sight. Kind of scares me a little bit.

10:01: Second and third and no out for Big Game Jimmy. Let's see if he can dance out of this one. Nope. Sac Fly, 1-0 Sox.

10:04: I think Sox fans are hoping that someone can DH for Varitek.

10:07: Inning over. Good job by Jimmy getting out of that with minimal damages.

10:15: Oh my god. Another 1-2-3 inning? Did the Rays leave their bats at home. HEY DICE! NO-NO! NO-NO!

10:18: Thanks for the close-up of Youk's beard. That's just what I want in HD.

10:20: Pena with the scoop! Put a star next to that one. OR-tiz. OR-tiz.

10:21: Rays fans finally awake. OR-tiz with the K. It would be so awesome if there was a backwards K button on the keyboard.

10:23: I love the way Youk Dog plays, but he is a baby. WAH! Pop out. SWITCH!

10:26: Hey, remember when I called Dice-K garbage? Good times. One out in the sixth. STILL A NO-HITTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10:29: Great play by Pedroia on the bullet by Pena. 2 out.

10:31: Ugh. Clearly this trying to jinx Dice thing isn't working. No-no through 6.

10:34: Nothing says clutch like a single to lead off an inning, JD Drew.

10:36: Single, single to lead off the inning. Shields is tiring out there. Great catch by Aki for the first out in shallow center.

10:39: After this game, I think the Rays fans are going to their SNL convention with all those cowbells. I've got a fever...

10:39: Two straight balls called by Mclelland draws ire by the Ray fans. But who knows, maybe he'll call the strike in ten minutes. Big K for Shields.

10:42: Varitek strikes again. I hear he calls a good game though.

10:44: Archie. You're allowed to open your eyes.

10:45: I think I know why we haven't heard Bon Jovi that much this game. Because, honestly, nobody loves the town of St. Pete.

10:47: Carl Crawford finally realizes that Dice-K is not an ace. Let's go, Rays.

10:49: Now we're playing Rays baseball! First and third after Cliff Floyd (who always needs to be referred to as "the veteran" or "veteran Cliff Floyd") singles to center. The former Mr. Carmen Electra up.

10:57: Actually, now we're playing Rays baseball. Pop out and a K. It all comes down to Jason Bartlett.

10:59: What an awful 1-2 punch. The Rays end their inning and I have to sit through another Frank Caliendo terrible impression. Keep doing Barkley man, enough with this Pacino shit.

11:03: All heart performance by Shields tonight. And they're going to lost this god damn game 1-0.

11:04: Seriously TBS. Stop showing me that beard in HD. Great performance, Shields.

11:06: Wow, Cal was named the AL MVP of the World Series? Nicely said, Chipper.

11:10: Big matchup here with Howell v Papi.

11:10: Advantage ORtiz. The old base on balls. 2 on 1 out for Beardy.

11:14: The Rays bullpen catcher there needs to take one for the team and catch that pop out. Maybe we have a Jeff Maier situation.

11:15: Way to be, Crawford. What a garbage double for Beardy.

11:17: Thank you, Holiday Inn commercial. You make me happy when I'm blue.

11:19: I really hope someone pulls an Orlando Cabrera and kicks dirt at Balfour. A brawl will make this game interesting.

11:20: Wow. Looks like JD Drew reminded Balfour a bit too much of Cabrera.

11:22: The Sox need to stop crying. Balfour wasn't trying to hit him.

11:25: Great job by Balfour getting out of that jam. How about you do something now, Rays offense?

11:27: Geico has ruined Gekkos with cockney accents for me. NO JIMMY KIMMEL! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS AGAIN!

11:27: Hey, who's Kelly Pavlik fighting? You'd think they'd advertise about it during a playoff game.

11:30: Why oh why is Dice still in this game? Francona has a death wish.

11:31: Single and a wild pitch? Great managerial move, Tito.

11:33: 2 batters too late, Francona. Out goes Dice.

11:35: That's why I......LOVE THIS TOWN!

11:38: Shows how much you know saying that there's no way Pena has the green light on a 3-0 pitch, Buck Martinez. I think you underestimate how mediocre of a manager Joe Maddon is. That's why you don't have a job, my friend.

11:40: Actual texted response from my brother in law (huge Sox fan) in re: why Dice came out for the eighth. "b/c he had pitched 108 pitches, had come off an emotional 7th and sat for a wicked long time...wait did you argue for or against?"

11:42: The long lost brother of acting brothers Christopher and Danny Masterson in the game to face a slumping Longoria.

11:42: Now we're playing Rays baseball. Joe Maddon should remove himself from consideration for coach of the year for mishandling that.

11:46: Since when is a walk, a double, and a sac fly to the track a manufactured run?

11:49: ENOUGH WITH THE BEARD!

11:49: Wait...a .220 hitter who hasn't had a clutch hit in years is hard-nosed? In what world is Ron Darling living in? Travis, how do you put up with this guy?

11:52: In honor of the late great Rod Roddy, The Price is Right!!

11:53: 5-6-7 against Pap? Game over. Shut up Frank Caliendo!

11:58: Buck sure loves talking about the quadrants of the strike zone. 0-2 on Crawford. Sure enough, there's the K.

12:00: Veteran Cliff Floyd vs. Paps? Mismatch much? And let's end the whole midnight/Cinderella business, Chip Carey. Just fake smile and nod along with Buck Martinez.

12:02: Foul out. Great walk-up music for Navarro at least.

12:05: Ugh. I hate the Sox. And BTW, Chip Carey, they didn't make the most of their scoring situations today. The scored two runs.